


Here I Come to Save the Day

by IvvyMoon (blue_jack)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst, Crack, Dubious Consent, M/M, Top!Naruto, bottom!Sasuke, mentions of switching, narusasunaru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 14:05:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3329069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_jack/pseuds/IvvyMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“<i>Hey</i>!” Uzumaki jogged to catch up, following into step beside him. “You can’t still be bitter about the last time—”</p><p>“You <i>set</i> my <i>hair</i> on <i>fire</i>.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here I Come to Save the Day

**Author's Note:**

> This was a gift fic to KageKitsuneXXX. I think. *headdesk* My memory is seriously not what it used to be. Sigh. And out of curiosity, does anyone know what the title comes from? :D

“Okay, seriously, what is with the petals?”

Sasuke whirled around at the question to see someone sitting on a large stone in the shadow of a crumbled wall. 

“I mean, it’s always the same thing. You show up, there they are. You leave, there they are: a swirl of flower petals that floats off into the distance. What’s up with that?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Always the same thing? Just who the hell are you?”

The figure rose and walked toward him, blinding in his glory for all of one second as the sunlight fell on him, his hair a glowing, golden nimbus.

Oh, _shit_. Not _him_. 

“Naruto Uzumaki at your service.”

Sasuke shook his head and turned around, heading for the five pillars.

“Hey! I was talking to you, asshole!”

“I have nothing to say to you, moron.”

“ _Hey_!” Uzumaki jogged to catch up, following into step beside him. “You can’t still be bitter about the last time—”

“You _set_ my _hair_ on _fire_.” 

“You were in the way!”

“I was all the way across the plaza! Not only did you miss the monster and wing me instead, you also took out the city’s power grid!”

“It was an accident!” Uzumaki’s eyes started darting from side to side, as if he expected angry citizens to be chasing him. Again.

“And then you—”

“Okay! I get it! Fuck! Just kick a guy when he’s down, why don’t you?” He buried his face in his hands and groaned.

Sasuke took the opportunity to put more distance between them. He didn’t like the . . . _feelings_ he had when the other man was in the vicinity. He decided not to tell him that part of the reason he hadn’t gotten out of the way of Uzumaki’s lightning bolt in time was that he’d been too busy staring at him instead of paying attention to the battle. He was sure it was part of Uzumaki’s superhero power, the ability to fascinate men. Or something. Whatever it was, Sasuke didn’t like being susceptible.

“And then there was the fight last month at—”

“Stop, stop, just stop! I get it, alright? I was there! I don’t need a recap of my worst moments!”

Sasuke huffed. “You make it sound like it only happened once or twice. It happens _all the time_ , idiot. Have you considered a career change? I bet the Akatsuki would hire you. There’s already talk that instead of being incompetent, you’re actually a mad genius who managed to infiltrate ANBU in order to sabotage us all.”

Uzumaki groaned even harder and started hitting his forehead with the heel of hand. “I know, I know, I know! I just—evil genius? Really? That’s kinda cool, but—no! No, damn it, I’ve always wanted to be a superhero! Fuck, it’s why I’m here today. I’m going to petition the gods to give me a different set of powers.”

Sasuke came to an abrupt stop and stared. “You’re what?”

“These just—they don’t feel right!” Uzumaki stopped as well and pulled up his sleeve, his fist starting to glow and crackle as the chirp of a thousand birds suddenly filled the air. “Take Chidori for instance. I can call it up, but it never does what I want! Sometimes it’s too powerful. Other times it’s not powerful enough! And I can just _feel_ that I have all these reserves of energy, but I can only manage to shoot five of these before they stop working. Doesn’t matter how strong or weak they are, just five! Like the last time.” 

Uzumaki flushed and lowered his arm, the Chidori fading. “It was a big monster, and I thought, if I could just make my attack have as much _oomph_ as possible, then I’d be able to take him out and prove to everyone that I wasn’t . . . that I wasn’t a complete failure.” He sighed and plopped down onto the ground, forearms resting on his knees and head hanging down. “You saw how well that went.”

Sasuke stared down at the despondent man, feeling strangely more attracted to him than he ever had before. Obviously, Uzumaki’s ability to captivate increased when he was upset. He wondered if it had anything to do with the nature of his powers, the whole . . . lightning . . . and magnetic attraction . . . thing.

“You do realize how dangerous addressing the gods is.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“They could smite you down for implying there’d been some sort of mistake on their part—”

“I said I know.”

“Your abilities could be ripped from you as you suffer excruciating and unparalleled agony—”

“ _I said I know_!” Uzumaki glared up at him, and Sasuke blinked, leaning forward to examine him more closely. He had incredible blue eyes, clear and intense, light near the pupil but with a ring of— 

“What are you doing?”

Sasuke straightened immediately. “Just making sure you aren’t crazy or high on something.” He ignored Uzumaki’s splutters, and after looking toward the pillars once more, frowned and sat a few feet away from him. “I’m here for the same reason,” he said at last, unsure why he was confiding in him, but needing to do it all the same.

“ _What_? Bu-but everyone admires _you_!”

Sasuke looked down the path they had just walked as he responded. “All they care about is my family name. They see what they want to see, and since I’ve never had a major fuckup like you,” he ignored Uzumaki’s indignant, “Bastard!” and kept talking, “then everything is supposed to be fine. But I want to get better.” Sasuke’s hands curled into fists. “I want to get stronger. My powers have never felt right either. They always respond slower than they should, and I have to use them frequently, otherwise it can take _minutes_ for them to come online, and you don’t _have_ minutes when you’re fighting evil monsters and alien invaders, _minutes_ give your older brother time to come in and defeat everyone before you even get the chance to—”

“What?” Uzumaki looked at him, confusion written all over his face.

“What?” Sasuke made sure his expression was carefully blank.

“You said ‘older brother.’”

“I did not.”

“Yes, you did! You said ‘minutes gives your older brother—’”

“You’re obviously imagining things. It’s probably all the sun reflecting off your hideous clothes and frying your brain. Seriously, who the fuck wears so much orange?”

“Hey! Hey now! Hate the game, not the player!”

“. . .”

“. . .”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I didn’t choose the outfit!”

“I should hope not.”

“I mean, who the hell wears spandex anymore? I mean, other than Gai and Lee.” They both shuddered. “So when I discovered I was letting off . . . these random sparks . . . every now and then, I went to the tech team, and they told me I had to wear _this_ to rein it in.” Uzumaki sat up and unzipped his jacket, baring his chest, which made Sasuke swallow wrong and start to cough, his eyes watering although he absolutely refused to look away.

Uzumaki was wearing a black shirt. A _skintight_ black shirt. And although he’d mentioned spandex, the main and most important difference from his versus a normal spandex shirt was that he was wearing a skintight black _fishnet_ shirt.

May the gods be praised.

Sasuke could see his _nipples_. Not only nipples, but also acres and _acres_ of smooth, tan skin, could see the indentation in his abs from his muscles, could basically see just about fucking _everything_ , and what an everything it was to see!

“You okay there?” Uzumaki started lowering his hands, undecided whether he should approach Sasuke or not. “I guess I should have given you some more warning. It _is_ pretty horrible after all.”

“Horrible” was really not the word Sasuke was thinking of. Unless it was changed to an adverb and placed in front of an adjective to form a phrase along the lines of “horribly tempting” or “horribly mouthwatering” or even just “horribly hot.”

“And the worst thing is that I have to wear this _all over_! I mean, the tech people were ‘nice’ enough to give me a pair of these really skimpy briefs that at least cover most of my assets, if you know what I mean, but other than that, I’m in a full on fishnet bodysuit!”

Maybe Sasuke had died in some glorious battle and gone to heaven. Maybe the gods were rewarding him for all of his efforts when he was alive. That would certainly explain things better.

“I mean, look at it!” Uzumaki peeled off the jacket, tossing it to the side and displaying much more muscle than Sasuke had ever credited him with. “It’s like I’m virtually naked!”

Sasuke wondered if Uzumaki would notice if he started humping his hand.

“And yeah, it keeps the electricity from shooting out indiscriminately from my body, but I can’t walk around like that! It’s indecent! It’s worse even than Sai’s outfit! None of the bad guys would have taken me seriously! So I had to find something to cover it up, and the only thing in the clothing department that fit was this.” Uzumaki sighed heavily. “I mean, I like orange, and I look good in it and all, but this is a bit much even for me. And you know how it is. Regular clothes just get trashed, so it has to be super clothes, and yeah, there you go.” 

Wait, what? Had he said something else? Sasuke had started to zone out after the “full on fishnet bodysuit” comment. Apparently, Uzumaki’s allure became ten times more powerful when he was semi-naked. Sasuke would have to remember that. For future reference.

“So what’s your excuse?”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, I have to wear my suit so I don’t go around showing off anything and everything, but what happened that you have to wear your outfit?”

Sasuke’s eyebrow twitched. “And what . . . is wrong with my outfit?” he asked icily.

“What? Well, dude, you’ve got some sort of pirate 70s disco flavor thing going with that gaping shirt. And you’re wearing a purple bow. Oh, and don’t even get me started on—”

“This is a perfectly serviceable outfit! I do not look like a 70s disco pirate, you walking excuse for a deranged, perverted pumpkin!”

Uzumaki’s jaw dropped. “You did not just go there. I was being _nice_! I didn’t even mention that you looked like a _gay_ 70s disco pirate—an image that is not helped by the swirl of flower petals!—or that the thingamajig around your waist makes you look fat!”

Oh, it was so on.

“Rasengan!”

“Chidori!”

\-----

Sasuke had to grudgingly admit that Naruto—it was impossible to keep calling him Uzumaki after fighting him and seeing into his heart—was powerful. His aim was shit, and his technique needed a lot of work, but the guy definitely seemed to do better when there wasn’t an audience or a crowd of other superheroes to get in the way.

“So . . . that Rasengan thing was kinda cool.” Naruto’s voice wafted over from across the path where he was lying flat on his back. 

Sasuke shrugged, wincing slightly as the motion pulled on sore muscles. “It’s alright, I guess. It’s so small though. You have to have perfect aim—which I have—in order to hit anything, and there’s not enough damage for all the energy I put into it.”

“It looks really awesome though. What kind of power type are you?”

“I have wind power. What?” he asked acerbically when Naruto started snickering.

“I’m sorry. When you said “wind,” I just got this image in my head of you having farting powers.” He dissolved into a fit of helpless giggles.

“What are you? Like five?” Sasuke waved his hand and sent Naruto’s jacket crashing onto his face with a short gust. It stopped the laughter.

“I’m twenty-four! Asshole.” But there was no irritation in his voice. “That was fun. I feel a lot better actually. We should spar together again. You know, if we—when we both get out of here.”

“Alright. When we both get back.” They fell silent.

“So . . . I guess we should get going.”

“Yeah.” Sasuke blinked up at the blue sky, always perfect in the gods’ realm. Time had no meaning here, but there was no reason to delay any longer. “I guess so.”

They both clambered upright, dusting themselves off and fixing their clothes. 

“Sasuke?” He turned to face his companion. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He looked away and started walking, his words low but still audible. “Yes. Me, too.”

\-----

“Is this guy really a god?” They both stared at the person—deity?—sitting against the altar, reading a book with writhing people on the cover engaged in what could only be sex. Lots of sex. Lots of imaginative and multi-partnered sex.

“He’s glowing, isn’t he, idiot? Of course he’s a god.” At least, Sasuke was ninety percent sure he was. He'd never heard of any of the gods wearing a mask that covered all but one eye. Maybe just eighty-five percent.

The book snapped closed and disappeared with a puff.

“Oh, Sasuke. Naruto. I’m sorry I was late. I had to divert a monsoon on my way here—”

“Late? What are you talking about? We just got here. And how did you know our names?” Sasuke was content to let Naruto talk as he carefully scanned the room, which had been at the center of the five pillars. Save for the altar, which seemed to pulse and shine with a life of its own, there wasn’t anything else inside. Nonetheless, Sasuke took several casual steps away from Naruto, just in case. It was never a good idea to be close enough to a partner that an enemy could take them both out with one hit.

“Hmm? That’s right! I was on time for once! You two were late! You do know how rude it is to keep a god waiting, don’t you? Mah, mah.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Not important now. What is important is that we solve your little problem.”

“Wait, you know why we’re here?”

“The two of you want to exchange powers.” Something in the way the god said that made Sasuke pause.

"That is so cool!" Naruto beamed. "Everyone says the gods are all seeing, all knowing, but I always kind of thought that was a bunch of bullshit. Oh, shit. Am I not supposed to curse? Fuck! I mean, crap! Is crap okay? I've never talked to a god before. Fuc—I mean fudge!"

"Naruto," Sasuke said, needing to interrupt before the idiot actually managed to insult the god with all his babbling. At least, he thought he was a god. He was seventy percent sure. "Shut up. And stop pouting."

"I'm not pouting."

"Don't stick your tongue out at me."

"Whatever."

"And stop making that face."

"Wha—how are you _doing_ that? You're not even looking at me, Sasuke!"

"Now, Sasuke, don't be mean to Naruto. He's just excited." 

"That's right! I'm just excited! So nyah!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Just which god are you?" There was a short silence, and in it, Sasuke could hear Naruto take a prudent step backwards.

But the maybe god only smiled—either that or he was squinting balefully at Sasuke—and said, "You can call me Kakashi."

He blinked. This was the Scarecrow? Well, that was . . . surprising. The Scarecrow was supposed to be one of the warrior gods. Not a masked pervert that sat around giggling over porn.

"You're Kakashi? Woah!" Naruto started bouncing on his toes in his excitement. "I've heard that you know _thousands_ of techniques, that you can not only copy other gods' powers but steal them, that you can—"

“Prove it.”

“Huh?” Naruto blinked at him.

“Prove you’re who you say you are,” Sasuke told Kakashi, already building another Rasengan in his hand to be on the safe side. Naruto stared then cursed, and after a short pause, Sasuke could hear the soft sound of birds chirping. It filled him with an odd sense of pleasure to know Naruto was willing to fight by his side, even against a god as powerful as Kakashi was rumored to be. Assuming he actually was Kakashi.

So it was a little bit of a letdown when all Kakashi said was, “Of course! Does this help?” A sticker appeared on his black shirt that said, “Hello, my name is Kakashi, and I will be your god today.”

“That is so cool!” Naruto exclaimed, the birds quieting, and Sasuke shook his head in disbelief that a nametag was all it took to convince the idiot he was in the presence of divinity.

“Or for our doubting Sasuke, what about this?” And he spread his arms, a Rasengan appearing in one hand and a Chidori flickering around the other. “Or even this?” And Kakashi seemed to balloon to three times his size until his head just grazed the ceiling, and the pulsing aura around him turned dark and red. He reached for his mask. “Shall I show you my other eye?” The eye that was supposed to suck souls from their very bodies, casting them into another plane where they were tortured for the rest of eternity.

“That will be unnecessary,” Sasuke replied coolly, his Rasengan disappearing. He was now . . . ninety-five percent certain Kakashi was really who he said he was. Maybe ninety-two.

“Good.” And Kakashi was back to his previous state, silver hair flopping over to the side as his eye crinkled at them. “Now about that power exchange—”

“Yeah. Sasuke and I both think we got the wrong powers.” Naruto pushed forward, pouting belligerently—apparently completely unfazed by the god’s show of strength—and complained, “My Chidori never works for me, and Sasuke thinks his Rasengan should be bigger ‘cause he’s a size queen—” Sasuke made a high-pitched sound that he would later deny, “—and we want you to give us different powers that are better suited to us! Please,” he added as an afterthought, smiling sheepishly.

“Of course. Not a problem. If you two will just disrobe and have sex on the altar—”

“What?” Naruto asked, face scrunched up in confusion.

“Are you out of your fucking _mind_?” Sasuke demanded simultaneously, recoiling from both Naruto and Kakashi.

They turned to look at each other at the discrepancy in reactions.

“You don’t have to be insulting,” Naruto sulked, crossing his arms. “I mean, damn, you’d think—”

“You’d think he’d just told us to have _sex_ or something. Yeah, I don’t know how I could have overreacted—are you _insane_? Sex. _Sex_. S-E-X. Why doesn’t that freak you out more?”

“Geez, calm down, will ya? I mean, look at these muscles,” he said, flexing a bicep. “I’m quite the catch. And it’s not like I have to cover your face with a bag or anything, Sasuke. You’re a good looking guy.” Sasuke’s jaw hung open. Naruto shrugged. “What? I’m gay. Sleeping with other gay men is what gay men do, so—”

Sasuke’s jaw dropped even lower. “Y-y-you made fun of my outfit because you said it made me look—”

“Well, sure, I mean, it does.” Naruto grinned, rubbing the back of his neck and somehow not noticing the killing intent radiating off of Sasuke. “I’m all for out and proud, but really? Gay disco pirate? I don’t even know what to—”

“Now, Sasuke,” Kakashi said, insinuating himself between them, smiling so hard that Sasuke could see the smile through his mask, “if you kill Naruto, you’ll never get your proper powers.”

“It might be worth it!” Although . . . he was tired of feeling like there was something more out there, of knowing he could be ten times stronger if his power would just . . . work. “And besides. _I’m_ not gay, so how the hell am I—”

“You’re not?” Two incredulous voices spoke out simultaneously, and Naruto’s head popped up from around Kakashi’s body.

“Of course I’m not!” Sasuke responded, stung. How could they even think—

“But you’re always looking at me!” Naruto came out from behind Kakashi, his face scrunched up in puzzlement. “And when I took off my jacket earlier, I thought you were going to—”

“I was not! I mean—it was because I was shocked by the fishnet! Who wouldn’t stare?” Sasuke defended himself, fighting the urge to take a few steps back from their skeptical faces. 

“Right. Which would explain the drooling.” Naruto’s eyebrows were scrunched and disbelieving.

“There was no drooling!” Sasuke said, aghast.

“And what about all the flower petals?”

“I have wind power! I can’t help it that—”

“And that still doesn’t explain why you watch me _all the time_ —”

“You’re like . . . fucking delusional or something! Crazy. Mad. And not even in a helpful as a mad scientist/arch nemesis type of way. And why do I need to have sex with him?” he asked, turning back to Kakashi quickly in order to _stop talking about what they were talking about_. “What the fuck does sex have to do with anything? I want _my powers_ , whatever they’re supposed to be, not this loser’s leftovers—”

“But, Sasuke, Naruto’s powers _are_ supposed to be your powers.”

“What?”

“What? I have Sasuke’s powers?”

“Yes, and he has yours.”

Sasuke wanted to smack that smug, serene look right off his face.

“Why the fuck do we have each other’s powers?”

“He meant that in the most respectful way possible. Oh, Holy One,” Naruto added, grabbing Sasuke’s arm and jerking him to the side while giving him a significant look that Sasuke chose to ignore.

“I don’t need you talking for me, moron.” He scowled and yanked his arm away. 

“Well, you obviously need _something_ , ‘cause he could totally smite you down, bastard, in his awesome and glorious rage,” Naruto whispered, flinging a quick smile over his shoulder.

Sasuke looked at him incredulously. “Are you quoting the Scrolls?”

Naruto shrugged. “Meh, couldn’t hurt.”

“You are a complete and total idiot.”

“Oh yeah? Well you’re a—”

“To answer Sasuke’s question,” Kakashi interrupted, standing by the door when he’d been next to them seconds before, “human lives are very short comparatively, and sending the right power to the exact baby can be difficult. The whole slipping into another time stream, getting the aim just right, yadda yadda. And I . . . might have been a little distracted reading at the time, who knows? At least you two were born just a few months after each other and live in the same city, right? By having sex, you two will mingle your essences together, and your powers will go to the correct owners. Remember, sex on the altar for it to work.”

Naruto and Sasuke went from staring at the suddenly empty doorway to each other.

“Did he just say—?”

“So, wait, he was the one who—?”

“There’s no fucking way I’m—”

“Mingling our essences . . . ?”

“Who the hell does he think he is—?”

“By the way, I’m topping.”

“ _What_?”

“What?”

“ _What_?”

“What what?”

“Topp—we aren’t having sex, dumbass!”

“You heard him! That’s the only way we can—”

“He was obviously lying! He’s a fucking lying perverted—” Thunder rolled, the room going from bright and airy to ominously dark. Lightning struck just outside the doorway. “The fuck you’re topping. I am.”

“Wait, what, huh? But you just said—”

“I said I was topping. Take off your clothes.” Sasuke put action to words and began to disrobe. He was now ninety-eight percent Kakashi was really a god, and if that was the case, that meant fucking Naruto was the only way to get his powers, and hell, he wasn’t gay, but power was power. He most adamantly wasn’t going to enjoy it however.

Naruto gaped at him like a monkey on crack before finally shrugging and unzipping his jacket. “Whatever, dude. I don’t care why you changed your mind. Sex is sex.”

Sasuke stood with his shirt hanging off his shoulders, glowering.

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Except, of course, with you. ‘Cause of our . . . you know . . . mystic connection . . . and stuff.”

“Shut the fuck up, asshole.” Sasuke threw his shirt down with more force than strictly necessary.

“Whatever, dude! You started it with the whole, ‘are you out of your fucking mind’ comment,” Naruto said, his head jiggling side to side as he mockingly repeated Sasuke’s words. “Plus all the insults and crap! I mean, here I am, waiting to get my powers all fixed up in order to have a chance in hell of asking you out—” His mouth clamped close with an audible _click_.

Sasuke blinked and had to try two times to get the words out through his dry throat. “What did you say?”

“Nothing!”

“You’ve been waiting to—”

“Hey! Hey now,” Naruto said mulishly, pointing one finger at Sasuke, “I let you get away with not explaining that ‘brother’ comment, so you just leave this one alone!”

Nnnnnnn . . . . . . . . . fair enough. 

But it didn’t change the fact that Sasuke had heard the words and knew how Naruto felt, so they would be revisiting the topic sometime soon.

Although not because Sasuke was gay. Because the attraction was due to Naruto’s . . . sexual appeal power. Which Sasuke would be getting when they switched powers. Not that it mattered since he already had girls falling all over themselves whenever he was around.

Actually, if his sexual draw got any stronger, that might be a problem. Hmm . . . Although it would be balanced out with his new ability to electrocute anyone that came within stalker distance, which could be rather fun. Decisions, decisions.

“And I said it first, so I get to top!”

“What the—you don’t get to call dibs on topping!”

“ _You_ tried to!”

“No. I was correcting you. There’s a difference.”

“ _I’m_ topping!”

“No, _I’m_ topping.”

“Do you even fucking know what topping means?”

Sasuke arched an eyebrow. “It’s not exactly difficult to deduce.”

“Okay then.” Naruto crossed his arms, which was unfairly distracting since by that point, he was down to his fishnet body suit and a slip of cloth that _might_ pass as briefs, and holy hell, what were they talking about again? “So Mr. Smarty Pants, can you also deduce what to do?”

“Once again, not exactly difficult to—”

“Oh, so you know about needing lube. And how to prepare a guy. And where the prostate is and all that jazz.”

Pre . . . paring?

“Uh huh. Let me guess, you were just planning on sliding your magical dick easily and painlessly up my mythical self-lubricating ass?”

Sasuke was silent for a moment. “I don’t think I like your attitude.”

Naruto laughed and started peeling his flimsy excuse for something resembling clothing off down one arm—it was so clingy and stretchy and woah—and then the other, down his chest before doing some kind of shimmy thing so it slipped down his hips and thighs, leaving him dressed—for want of a better word—in his briefs.

Sasuke tilted his head to the side to follow its path down and down and down. "So by preparing, are you talking about foreplay?" he asked absently, _much_ more interested in what Naruto was doing than what he himself was saying. Well, that was one question answered. Naruto was tan all over.

Naruto laughed even harder, actually snorting in his amusement and bending slightly at the waist, his arm wrapped around his stomach. "Haha, you can't be serious, right? Oh fuck, you're really serious." He straightened, horrified. "You are so _not_ getting anywhere near my ass."

Sasuke drew himself up to his full height, mildly offended. He was good at everything. _Everything_. So he could damn well be good at gay sex, too, if he just put his mind to it! "Need I remind you that Kakashi specifically said we needed to 'mingle our essences,' which means that I'll have to insert my dick into your ass as well for it to work?"

Naruto's jaw dropped, then closed with a snap. "I think I'm starting to agree with you about Kakashi being a pervert thing." He shrugged. "Whatever. I don't mind bottoming. Like I said before, sex is sex. It's all good."

"Then what was all the—"

"Ah, I was just giving you a hard time." He smiled and shoved Sasuke's arm, which, in his current attire was just . . . weird. "But I'm still topping first. Wait! Just hear me out! How are you supposed to know what to do otherwise? I show you the ropes, so to speak, and then you get to have your first practice session with me."

"What do you mean, ' _first_?' That implies there will be a _second_. I already told you—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, not gay, I get it." Naruto rolled his eyes. "Keep telling yourself that," he muttered, quickly following up with, "Okay, let's get started!" before Sasuke could object. The words were enough to distract Sasuke from correcting him.

"Wait, what? What, now? I mean, of course, yes, now." He coughed and started working on his pants. They were actually going to have sex. Naruto wanted to put his cock in—

On second thought, he rather liked his wind powers. Sure, they gave him problems sometimes, but on the whole, they weren’t half bad really. Perhaps he could—

“Virgins.” Naruto shook his head. He grabbed Sasuke’s pants, shoved them down his thighs, sank to his knees and took Sasuke’s cock into his mouth all in one fell swoop.

“ _Mfl_!”

Gay sex wasn’t so bad really. Sasuke didn’t know why he’d been hesitant.

He looked down and caught a glimpse of Naruto’s cock.

Oh yes. That was why.

Sasuke opened his mouth to object, ready to shove Naruto off of him, when Naruto did some sort of suction twisty tongue flutter thing, and he had to grab on to his shoulders to stay upright. Then Naruto added his hands, cupping and massaging his balls with his right while stroking Sasuke’s thigh with his left, and okay, stopping at that moment wouldn’t really help anything, so . . .

It was only when Sasuke’s back hit something that he realized Naruto had been maneuvering them towards the altar.

“Now just wait a damn minute—”

Sasuke _did_ push Naruto away that time. Not that he was nervous really. Slightly concerned. Vaguely interested. He didn't normally put out on the first date after all. He took a big step to the side to put more distance between them. 

He’d forgotten his pants were still around his legs, however.

Which was why he staggered.

Which was how Naruto managed to take him off guard and propel him toward the altar. However, since Sasuke had been twisting in order to catch himself, he ended up landing with his stomach against the altar, naked ass exposed, Naruto still on his knees next to him, in no way hampered by any clothes.

Which was how Naruto was able to move behind Sasuke so quickly.

Which made Sasuke get ready to straighten, after which he would slam his elbow into Naruto’s nose and consider permanently incapacitating him.

Except.

And there had to be an exception.

Except Naruto chose to lean forward and _lick him_. Several. _Times_.

Which was how Sasuke found himself with his forearms on the altar, head down, ass out and moaning. A _lot_.

The first finger was strange, but it also made it better somehow, everything becoming a little sharper as Naruto continued to lick and wriggle his tongue. The second finger was somewhat uncomfortable, but Naruto was sucking at his balls and stroking his cock with his free hand, and alright, it wasn’t the end of the world. And then, if the wide smile against his inner thigh was any indication, that incredible burst of pure _pleasure_ meant Naruto had found his prostate.

Smug idiot.

And by the third finger . . . by the third finger, after being sucked and licked and fondled and just about driven crazy as Naruto fucking rubbed over his prostate with each and every twitch of his finger, well, Sasuke was about to come on top of the altar without Naruto and make the whole point moot.

"Hurry- _uh_ -up, dumbass."

"Are you sure?" And Sasuke could hear the damn satisfaction in his voice. “I wouldn’t want you to do anything you don’t wa—ow! Fuck!” 

Che. He hadn’t kicked him that hard.

“Geez.” Naruto pulled away and gingerly got up on his feet, rubbing his thigh. “You could have just said, 'yes, you were sure, bastard.”

“Stop whining, and fuck me already.” Sasuke crawled onto the altar. Kakashi had said "on" the altar, and he wasn't going to tempt fate by being only half on, just to find out that didn't cut it. After all, he didn't want to repeat the experience. Since he wasn't gay. Anyone would get hard from getting his cock sucked. And then—yeah, anyway, it was a natural response, nothing to worry about.

He tried to ignore the empty feeling as he got on his hands and knees. He most definitely did _not_ want any of Naruto's . . . appendages inside of him. It was simply—

"Just stop thinking." Fucking easy for _him_ to say. "I've got you." And there were Naruto's hands on his hips, his body between Sasuke's legs. And when Sasuke would have said something, said _anything_ really at that point, there was something large and hot pressing into him, stealing his breath and scattering his thoughts. "Trust me. It'll feel good."

It did _not_ feel good. It burned and felt huge and uncomfortable and just plain odd, something moving in him that shouldn’t be there, pushing him forward, pushing _into_ him, and Sasuke could feel his body stretching to accommodate it, his heart pounding as he shifted and tensed, his knuckles white as he gripped the edge of the altar.

But . . . 

But it filled the emptiness, filled it with something hot and hard and thick, and it was as if he could feel something prickling up his spine, not pleasure exactly but the . . . _anticipation_ of it.

So no, it didn’t feel good. But it didn’t feel bad either.

“What the hell are you doing back there?” He scowled over his shoulder. “Move, damn it!” Although Sasuke preferred that it feel good, which, he suspected, meant Naruto had to do more than just kneel there, and if accomplishing that meant metaphorically prodding Naruto in the ass, well, fair was fair after all.

“You are so fucking bossy,” Naruto complained, but he held onto Sasuke’s hips harder and complied, pulling out and pressing back in, slowly at first but gradually picking up the tempo and urgency until Sasuke felt like his very bones were rattling. Or something. Because each thrust was shaking and tearing down his preconceptions of what good sex was, that glorious pleasure from before returning as Naruto hit his prostate, completely different from anything he’d ever experienced before, and okay, yeah, now it felt good, better than good, so fucking good that—

And then Naruto reached around and started stroking his cock, each push forward accompanied by a corresponding stroke to his erection, perfectly timed and executed, while still managing to hit his prostate—and Sasuke had thought _his_ aim was amazing—so it just built and built and built until he could feel himself coming loose at the seams, little sparks running across his skin.

“ _Fuck_!” he shouted, falling down to one elbow as he shuddered from the nearly debilitating pleasure, his skin tingling, hair standing on end as the world turning bright and electric, wind rushing to the corners of the room as sand and pebbles danced in its wake. He collapsed all the way onto the stone, the aftershocks making him pant and tremble. 

He was so gay, Sasuke realized minutes later when he could finally think once again, sprawled on the altar with Naruto still on top of him. So, so gay. Because he really, _really_ wanted to do that again, the sooner the better, and it was a good thing he was getting Naruto’s sex appeal powers, because Naruto’s dick was _his_ , as in Naruto should start thinking about where he was going to go in order to get “Property of Sasuke Uchiha” tattooed onto it, it was so much Sasuke’s. And it was promising that Naruto had wanted to ask him out, but the allure powers would clinch the deal.

“You okay?” Naruto asked groaning, finally starting to stir and pulling out. Sasuke winced slightly, but it was a small discomfort, and he rolled onto his back. He blinked and tilted his head, staring up at the scorch marks on the ceiling that he would’ve sworn hadn’t been there before. He was pulled from his contemplation when Naruto sat up, looking completely debauched, hair all over the place, his still semi-erect cock poking up from his lap, wet with—

“Where did you get that stuff?” Sasuke asked, pointing.

Naruto looked down. “I am going to ignore the obvious joke and assume you’re talking about the lube.” He might not have said the words, but he still waggled his eyebrows at Sasuke, which made Sasuke want to kick him right off the altar. “But a bottle was just sitting on the altar when I needed it.”

Kakashi really was a fucking pervert, god or no.

“Trust me, you would’ve noticed if I had tried it without the lube.”

Che. Naruto’s “I know more about gay sex than you” superiority was getting annoying.

“My turn.” Sasuke wasn’t actually in as much of a hurry to top as he’d been initially, because that had been—he squirmed on the altar—but he felt like he had something to prove after all of Naruto’s comments. Sasuke really was good at _everything_ after all. 

Oh, and he wanted his powers, too.

Naruto snorted, smiling and shaking his head. “Yeah, yeah. One sec.” He looked around, and it was only then that Sasuke noticed his hand was covered in Sasuke’s come, which, yeah, okay, and not finding anything to clean it off with, he wiped most of it off on the altar, and the rest he rubbed onto his thigh. Which was _very_ distracting. All shiny and wet. On his _thigh_. “Okay, ready when you are.” 

Sasuke blinked and finally sat up gingerly. That put his face very close to Naruto’s, so close that Sasuke could see all the various shades of blue in his eyes, cerulean and cobalt and periwinkle and sapphire—yeah, so gay—and Sasuke realized they hadn’t even kissed. Not once.

Admittedly, he wasn’t sure he wanted to kiss Naruto now after where Naruto’s mouth had been, but still.

Naruto obviously had the same idea, because he looked hesitant for a moment before leaning forward, only to move back. “Can I?” he asked, tongue darting out nervously, and Sasuke knew they hadn’t exchanged powers yet, because he felt the pull, even stronger than before. He made a mental note that Naruto’s allure increased to _infinity_ right after sex.

He didn’t answer, simply closing the distance between them, pressing their mouths together tentatively at first, but then more forcefully, sliding his tongue inside Naruto’s—

“What the _fuck_?” Sasuke shouted a long time later, shaking his head to clear it, his vision slowly returning. He staggered to his feet from where he’d fallen, thrown from the altar when his and Naruto’s powers explosively transferred to their rightful owners. 

“Not so loud,” Naruto groaned, his head appearing on the other side of the altar as he started to rise as well.

“I’m going to kill him!”

“Kill who?”

“It’s ‘whom!’ And I’m going to kill Kakashi!”

“What? Why? It worked, didn’t it? Don’t you feel different? ‘Cause I feel—”

“He said we had to have sex in order to mingle our essences! If you didn’t notice just now, dumbass, we were kissing when our powers switched! Kissing!”

“Oh. Ohhhh.”

“That’s right. Ohhhh.” He snorted and started yanking his clothes back on. Sasuke swore the room started to shimmer, like someone up there was laughing at them. “I bet we could have just kissed for a few minutes, or made small cuts on our fingers and touched them together or something, and that would have been enough! Kakashi just had to—”

“I thought . . . I guess you . . . so you regret it?”

“I—” He swallowed the rest of what he was going to say and looked at Naruto, whose face was uncharacteristically solemn. Naruto, who was still naked and still . . . still utterly attractive. Which meant that Sasuke hadn’t gotten his fascination powers after all, and alright, maybe Naruto had never really had those kinds of powers in the first place, not really. Maybe Sasuke had always just been drawn to him. He sighed. “No, I don’t regret it.”

Naruto smiled, fucking _beamed_ , brighter than even the glow that had surrounded Kakashi, and he came bounding around the altar, enfolding Sasuke in a hug, and laughed, and no, Sasuke didn’t regret it at all.

\-----

“I can fly!”

Sasuke shook his head. He would have been more upset that Naruto was able to do something with the wind powers that he hadn’t managed, except he was focused on systematically destroying the room they’d been in with his Chidori since Kakashi had never reappeared. 

The altar he left alone for sentimental reasons.

And besides, he was so fast now that he could still beat Naruto in a race, flying or no.

“Ready to go?” Naruto asked, falling in a heap at Sasuke’s feet. “Umph!” His landings still needed work. “Oops, you missed a spot.” He pointed, getting up and dusting off his clothes, and Sasuke blew the remaining stones up with supreme satisfaction.

“Thanks,” he muttered, feeling he should make some sort of effort to be polite, because of the whole . . . dating thing. Naruto had started rattling off things they could do together in the future, and if the list was anything to go by, they’d be busy for the next eighty years. At least. 

“No problem. I’m a very helpful person. It’s why I got into this business in the first place, to help people. It’s also why you love me.” Naruto rolled his eyes at the look on Sasuke’s face. “In a totally heterosexual way.” He leered cheerfully. “You love me in a homosexual way for my big c—”

Sasuke smacked him. “Dumbass. Hurry up already.”

“You’ve been the one blasting things left and right! I was waiting for you!”

“Well, now I’m waiting for you, and I’m bored.”

Naruto stuck out his tongue. “So what do you want to do now? Go back to town and show off our powers? Get some lunch? Go back to my place and show me how well you learned what I taught you?” He tried to look innocent and failed. Stupendously.

But that was okay. More than okay really. “Alright. I’ll race you.”

“You don’t even know where I live!”

“Not a problem. You’re so slow that I can find it by going house to house before you even get to the city.”

“Oh yeah? You’re on, bastard!”

Sasuke was gone before the last syllable had left his mouth.

Naruto’s mouth fell open. “What the—still with the fucking petals!” And then, “Hey! That’s cheating!” And then he was gone as well, and only the flower petals drifting to the ground remained.


End file.
